My sweet sweet Cecilia is sick. She has her first ear infection and bad stuffy nose. She had a fever and has a hurting tummy. Wow, it is so sad to write it all out and to know she must be feeling so terrible. I took her to the doctor yesterday and she was prescribed that delicious ear infection medicine and it was recommended that she try drinking pedialyte. She does great with the medicine but doesn't seem enjoy all of those extra electrolytes (and I don't blame her. I took a sip and that stuff is AWFUL!)
Anyway-the delicious medicine will cause her poor already hurting tummy to get worse and now her cute little bum is totally raw! Today was the first day that she cried and cried because she was in pain. It KILLED me to have to change her diaper and know that it was hurting so bad.
As I was comforting her tears and pain and rocking her to sleep my mind was drifting to a place of wonder and amazement. Motherhood is totally incredible-I just have trouble even putting it into words sometimes. It occurred to me that these last 5 months have been some of the most challenging but beautiful of my life. To be blunt being a mom is hard, but absolutely worth it!
It is hard to see your baby who you love more than words hurting because she is sick. It is hard to sometimes let other people hold your baby because you just want to soak up every minute they have. To know that your baby will one day grow up and yell hurtful things or get so mad at you they cry. It is impossibly hard to imagine that one day your baby girl will not be little anymore and will make scary decisions on her own. Being a mom means loving unconditionally, being tired all of the time, and singing more songs than I ever thought I could. It is hard to be mom but more importantly it is perfectly beautiful.
To see your child light up when they wake from a nap and see your face. To hear their laughter and squeals of joy. To have your baby girl put her tiny hand on yours as you lay her down to sleep as her way of saying I love you Momma. To see the persistence of a baby trying to roll over and feeling joy through their accomplishment. Seeing the look of confusion as you feed your sweet baby solid food for the first time. Bringing your baby to bed with you because you can't bear to have them sleep alone because they are so sick. To share in the wiggles, tumbles and discoveries-these things-all of this amazing things make motherhood perfectly beautiful.
Rocking with my sweet Cecilia today made me realize that I am absolutely called to be a mother. I am called to experience the some of the pain and hardship that children bring and I am absolutely called to share in the joys and love of motherhood.
I thank God everyday for my child. I owe all I am and all I have to HIS great mercy and plan for me. The last 5 months have been the most perfect gift God could ever give. I can't wait to continue to see his gift unfold.
Peace,
S
